Entries from March 2010 ↓

Yesterday I saw my first, real boyfriend.  I haven’t seen him since we broke up.  At first we just looked at one another in a very deer in the headlights type look, and then when we passed again — we were attending two different parties at the same venue — he said “Is that you?” and I said “Yep, it is”. He said “I thought it was ” and I said “Uh-huh” without ever so much as cracking a smile, and I turned and walked away. I have no idea what took over me but I downright snubbed him.  I am not ever a rude person but I so was! I keep replaying the scene in my head and asking myself why I reacted that way. I am disappointedin myself. In hindsight, it would have been interesting to have a short conversation with him and get updated on one another’s lives. It’s not as though I hate him; We didn’t break up bitterly — we just didn’t fit at all. We were from two separate lives and we were young and immature. My parents hated him. He was my rebellious, I hate the world, I don’t have to listen to my parents thing. Now I am a grown, successful woman with three gorgeous children and a handsome and intelligent husband and we have a great life, wanting for nothing. (Totally not saying we’re rich — hello!?! Remember my husband in college?!) We have a great plan to the future and we will achieve it. He is probably living in a run down apartment and working a minimum wage job and smoking pot every night. Whatever, it’s his life and if he’s happy, A-OK. But why did I have to act like such a jerk about it? Did I really feel like I had to prove a point at the expense of someone else? And if so, what exactly was that point anyway?? I hate it that I acted so poorly and there’s not even any way to apologize for my actions. And why does it bother me so much that it’s even bothering me in the first place? Old love certainly is a crazy thing and I think we never can feel or think entirely rationally about it, even if we have moved on and would never like to go back there.

Tonight we attended a 50′th birthday party bash for my dad. A surprise one at that. How my kids kept their mouthes shut (besides the times when I tape them shut!), I might never know. *heh*

When you have a birthday that requires so many candles, you might need to get an insurance quote before hand, just to be sure you don’t burn the building down in the process.

I can’t believe I have a child old enough to attend school. I really can’t. Every day that I take him, I look at him and think “how did this happen?”. The hardest thing to believe is that the other two aren’t that far behind him. When I think about the future for me, after they are all in school, I know it will involve working of some type. In this area, it is really, really hard to get a job that pays more than minimum wage that doesn’t require at least a bachelors degree. Something that I, unfortunately, do not have and cannot buy or steal. (Joking! OK, I’m not joking. I can’t buy or steal one for real. I just meant that I was joking about… well, I’ll shut up now.) Because we live in a very rural area that doesn’t even have access to local community colleges. a degree from an online university is an appealing option. It’s one that I have been very seriously looking into. Colleges like Western Governors University offer everything from teacher’s education programs to online MBAs. There are so many reason online degree earning is ideal; cost and flexibility to name a few. There are really more options out there than you might think, when it comes to the selection of programs.

There aren’t great pictures, and I probably could have caught some better ones except I was A Big Fat Chicken. I admit it. We went away, for the first time since having kids. Except the 2 times that we went away to have kids. And when I say that, I am not talking the baby making part. I’m talking the pushing and the panting and the “Oh God, I think I am going to die” part. And that’s not very vacation-y. At least in my mind. Oh, and there was the time we went away when I had to go to the hospital because I took the flu shot from hell and my legs didn’t work. So not that  Outer Banks vacation rentals feeling there either. So anyway, back to the view on the weekend away. We got a room in a hotel right on the bay. It was so gorgeous. But it was hard to catch the beauty of it through the glass. And the chicken part — well, it was right after this super unseasonably warm streak and I had grown spoiled. I could not take the seasonal temps and the wind and I wanted to hide inside the hotel in my room. (Actually I wanted to hide inside the mall or at Kohl’s but that’s not very romantic to admit.) But you get the idea that it was pretty. So we get there and I’m all gushing out the window about the view and how comfy the bed is and I turn around to my husband, and no joke, he is reading the PHONE BOOK.

Some might call it a date night. And it was kind of that. With the addition of a cranky 1 year old who just wanted to hop around on top of us, try to change the channels and spill juice on the TV stands. I am not sure if it was one of the eleventy billion pieces of candy she had from the Easter egg hunt today or if it was the fact that she might be coming down with a cold (Ack! I didn’t admit it outloud — I just typed it. That doesn’t count enough to jinx us, does it?) Anyway, we watched Did You Hear About The Morgans. It was one of those movies that I kind of wanted to see so I got it from Redbox. Then we had it for three nights and didn’t get around to watch it and I realized I spent $3 on it and if I spent $3 on it I was NOT taking it back w/o watching it. So we watched it. It was as corny as can be but was good for a mindless watch. And it got us to sit down. And it finally got the baby to sleep, so we’ll rate it a B.