Entries from June 2010 ↓

     Just when I was pretty sure that Buy.com had everything and could provide no better a selection because of it, they go and surprise me again! While I was browsing on their sale page the other day, I ran across an ad at the top of the page announcing “free shipping on 6 or more household items” with a picture of a bottle of  Tide next to it. “It couldn’t be!”, I thought to myself. But it could be. And it is! Buy.com is now a partner of Alice and you can purchase household items through them now!  And it’s not a bad deal either! Let’s take the Tide for example. It’s my favorite laundry detergent. It gets stains out amazingly, right? But truth me told, I’m a sucker for the scent as well. I get the original scent. And I seriously love the smell of my laundry. I am the freak that smells each piece of laundry as I am folding it. So anyway, back to the great prices. So you can get the original Tide 2x Ultra, 32 loads, for $7.99 shipped to your door!! How amazing is that? The convenience! And I certainly can use the convenience now that I am officially a full-time college student!!

     I’ve never been a cry-er. I’m uncomfortable showing emotion in public places. I don’t know what that says about me. Probably a Shrink would be more than happy to give me an answer (and a big, fat bill!). But there’s one thing that gets me every year: The Relay for Life. I love the spirit at the relay. You can feel it as soon as you walk through the gates. Smiling faces, a spirit of togetherness, men not dressed in bow ties and slacks but rather as their team princess (hilarious!), balloons, loud music, the smell of deep fried food… it’s just a huge attitude of kick-butt party. But then the music goes down and the stillness is everywhere. The walkers and runners come off the track. And then the Survivors come on the track. The people who’ve fought their fight and have passed over are represented by their loved ones that come out on the track. And they start to walk. The Survivor’s Walk. And it gets me every time. I sit on the side, cheering them on, with tears running down my cheeks. Because I know what fighting cancer feels like. Maybe not personally but then again, yes, personally. Cancer is a family disease and we all fight it. I fight it every day. I fight for what it wants to steal, I fight for what it wants to give. She fights. I fight. We all fight. Fight, fight, fight. And then they light the luminaries. And we all walk around the track, all united as one and for one beautiful moment, as we walk around looking for the luminary with our loved one’s name on it, we are sharing this one, massive burden together. And I count myself lucky that I can look at a bag and it’s one in honor of her, not in memory of. Because I see everywhere, the ones in memory, and I know that without the community’s generosity, that would be her too. And I cry again. I fulfill my quota of tears for the year on this day. I cry because I know how hard the fight is and I know how lucky I am. I cry because I’m a tiny bit scared when I think about what’s at stake. I cry because I don’t ever want to see another person have to join this awful, vicious battle with us. And as I look at the giant luminary that is spelling it out to me – I remember that hope IS the cure. Hope is the first step to miracles.  The luminaries representing the Fighters makes a circle around the field and the walkers make a circle around them.  And together, at that moment, silently but with such force that it could almost hurt your ears, we cheer — ”We will fight. And we will fight hard. Until there’s a cure, we will fight with hope!”

   Do you remember back before there was GPS? I do. We’d take our vacations, and for us, this always meant super-frugal, budget friendly things like camping or staying with relatives or some scary mom and pop hotel, and my dad would drive and my mom would sit in the front seat with a map. Maps seemed so daunting. Truth be told, time hasn’t changed that for me; they still are. All the little lines. Ever so many! And how do you know which one you’re on? Even worse, my dad wasn’t a map reader. He and my mom would argue sometimes because he’d think he knew where he was going and my mom, being the better map reader between them, was sure he didn’t. As a child, it was so scary to hear the words “lost”. “Lost” means something different to a child than an adult. Something bigger and scary and not temporary: the possibility of never finding home again looms overhead. I remember sitting in the backseat, scared into silence every time that word came up (my parents actually probably only pretended we were lost to make us be quiet and stop fighting), just praying that we would somehow, please find our our way back home again. And amazingly, we always did. I remember thinking my dad was so big and so strong and so smart that he could drive us right back home like that, even though we were, *gasp*, lost. Over time, I learned to trust him. He wouldn’t ever get us lost forever. It was a safe, comforting feeling.

   Now we have GPS, so I don’t have to worry about being lost in the middle of no where. So handy! But there are other times when I feel lost. Or lonely. Or confused. Or worried about the future. Or my lawn mower is broken. And my dad is always there. To tell you the truth, while he seemed pretty amazing back then, he seems bigger and brave and stronger than I even remember him like as a child. Back then I just assumed he was all of those things. Now I know for sure he is all of those things. Even if he did get us a lost a few times, we always ended up back home. And that’s what dads are for — to help you find the way back home, no matter what old back road you end up on in life.

   My blog has been weighing on my shoulders lately. I used to be so proud of it and loved that it was a piece of me. It contained most all of what was in my heart; the things I was most passionate about. But let’s be honest here, it definitely went downhill. I still blog because it makes me money. It’s really been purely functional for me lately. The thing inspiring me to post was work. I don’t like that feeling. I want to reclaim my blog. I am not sure which direction to take it though.

   There are a lot of big things coming up in our family. DH is embarking on his last year of school. That means a semester with 17 credits worth of classes and a semester of student teaching. Student teaching means working 5 days a week for free. Actually, paying to work 5 days is a week is more accurate. I told my husband that this next chapter of life should be titled “How to live on Air”. I hope that air is all we need for 8 months, truly.

  Also, I am started my own education. A long awaited dream. It’s probably not the most wonderful time to begin it but I know that if I do not do it now, I never will. I feel braver, bolder and more proud of myself than I ever have. I only have a little fear that I will fail. I intend to succeed and mostly believe that I can.

  Because of these changes, our lives will change too. Warrior will enter pre-school in the fall. Just 3 days a week for a few hours today. It’s a lovely program at our church. Fancy Cheeks will also have her own adventure: she’s starting to go to the daycare at our church while Warrior is in pre-school. I never thought I’d have a child in daycare but I will. I am sure she will love it. It’s short enough that I think she will only view it as a glorified play-date. Or at least I pray she will.

 So there are the big things. What I fail to mention is what is between the lines. The every-day things that keep you running in all directions. The 16 loads of laundry per week, dinner to be cooked, children in sports, bounce houses to be jumped in, migraines to be fought, make up to be applied, diapers to be washed. It’s those things that keep us the busiest, yet they really don’t sound like much when you list them out one at a time.

  So the path my blog will take… I do not know. But I do know that it is about to change and I want to reclaim it. Soon.

Late last week, I noted that my SD memory card was in the laptop. I kind of noticed Fancy near the laptop the other day but I didn’t think anything of it. (Mistake number one.) So, a few days ago, I got my camera out and went to take a picture. It wouldn’t take. At first I thought I was out of batteries. Then I realize my memory card wasn’t in the camera. So I went to the computer to get it, and…. yep, you guessed it; it wasn’t there. I’ve literally torn my house apart looking for that flippin’ card and I cannot find it ANYWHERE! These kinds of things drive me crazy because really, where it could it be. (Besides the toybox, flushed down the toilet, in the cereal box, out in the sandbox…)  There were some photos on there that I really wanted although not a ton. So I guess on the bright side, there’s always buy.com for these kinds of purchases. I found a 4 GB SD memory card on sale for $16, which I think is a very reasonable deal. 4 GB’s is a lot bigger than my last, which was 1 GB. So, it would be an upgrade, I guess. I don’t know… I’m still hoping I find it (along with the skeleton key that belongs to the front door which she swiped about 6 months ago!). Ack! I need a memory card SOON!