Well, I finally brought myself to delete the pregnant Carrie icon and the floaty baby out of my sidebar. I have no idea why, but it was kind of hard to do. I close that specific chapter of my life (Grace’s pregnancy) with mixed emotions. I am definitely not interested in being that sick again, nor am I interested in giving my sweet Grace back, so I definitely would not wish to rewind my life back any. However… *sigh* I just have to admit that I feel kind of jipped. The end of last week and this weekend I had the baby blues (I don’t anymore, don’t worry), and I was watching the Ellen show and she had a Mother’s Day show where her audience was filled with pregnant first-time mothers. She asked one specific mother how her pregnancy was and when the woman replied “Great! It’s been super easy!”, I burst into tears. I just feel kind of jipped or something. I wish there was a time that I could have actually enjoyed the miracle of growing new life in me. I always hoped that time would come, and I was always looking forward to it, and now that she is here, I feel kind of sad that I never got that. I hate that I spent the entire 9 months waiting for it to be over and there are people that have a ball the entire time. I know that sounds super petty when I have the most beautiful miracle laying in my lap right now. And don’t get me wrong - I’m not stewing over it or crying bucket loads of tears. It was just a hormonal thing. But anyway, I have a new, more appropriate icon to replace it. Realistic and hilarious.
Bye, Bye, Bye!
May 13th, 2008 | Uncategorized
5 comments ↓
I *love* the new icon! So cute!!!
Im sorry you were feeling sad. You had truly THE roughest pregnancy I haver ever been party to ( if you can be party to another’s pregnancy?? **scratching head!**
Im glad she is here now, you can look at her gorgeous face and share her with daddy and the boys!
Carrie,
I imagine it’s a weird paradoxical feeling—-you have precious Grace, but there’s still the other “grief”, if you will, of not having the pg you hoped for. Or maybe not; I don’t claim to completely understand it. Love to you!
love the icon too. I dont’ know what to say, but I wanted you to know that I’m here.
With my pregnancy with Ivy, I felt the same way. The two experiences were so separate for me. Almost like one had nothing to do with the other. I’d look at her and feel no connection between having her and the previous 9 months. It felt disconcerting and confusing. I think that it is difficult because with you, Grace’s pregnancy wasn’t what you had experienced with the boys. For me, I had no other pregnancy to compare it to, but it sure wasn’t as magical as I had fantacized it to be. My sis always felt like “mother earth” when pregnant. I thought I’d be the same, but it didn’t happen like that for me.
I’m so glad that the blues have came and went. You sound wonderful. Love you!
PS Those meez are so fun, aren’t they? You picked a perfect one!
Carrie, I so totally understand where you are coming from. To me those women who say they love being pregnant and enjoy every minute of it are some kind of unnatural phenomenom. They are just plain weird in my book, but I envied them just the same. And now, everytime I see a pg woman, I’m thankful for my tied tubes so I never have to go thru that again.